#5g Her

"You are God?", Mandy gasped.

"We are God", he answered. "We are all parts of the whole and that's all we've ever been. We are a project in the making and that's why we have so many levels of learning. Each level has a purpose and here you will learn why you had your earthly life, how you came to be here, and you will be given choices for the next level".

It was difficult for Mandy to take all of this in, especially because she had so many questions, but gradually she relaxed and realized she had an eternity to have her questions answered.

"Where do we start first, Grampa?", she asked.

"Please feel free to call me by my given name, Mandy. It's perfectly respectful and you'll be meeting many of your relatives so using proper names will make it easier for you. I'd first like to take you to your lodgings and introduce you to your housemates. You'll find them all friendly and helpful, much like yourself", John said with a grin.

"I was so hoping there'd be a home to live in but by the looks of the perfect weather and surroundings I could even have been happy living in the outdoors", she replied. "Do we sleep?", she asked suddenly.

"No, that's an earthly necessity and doesn't apply here. We don't have night because our planet revolves conveniently between two suns which also keeps our climate temperate. When we wish, it does rain occasionally to keep our ponds full".

"It's quite heavenly", he added with a grin.

As they spoke they walked along streets looking very similar to the neighborhoods Mandy was used to on earth. She saw people sitting on their porches or in their gardens talking, laughing, puttering. All wore the same white robes she was wearing. They were loose and comfortable, billowing in the gentle breeze. Everyone waved as she passed.

Nothing seemed out of place. The streets and houses were clean and the plants were healthy. The people all seemed happy.

John stopped and led her up a flower bed lined sidewalk to a lovely Victorian house, it's large wrap-around porch homey with rocking chairs. On one of the chairs sat a slightly familiar woman who smiled invitingly at them.

"Claire, I've brought Mandy to stay with you for a while", he said.

"Mandy, you might not remember anything about Claire but she was your great-great grandmother. Claire, too, has chosen to stay here because it suits her", he said.

Mandy's great-great grandmother, Claire, rose gracefully from her chair and greeted them with warm hugs. She smelled of sunshine and looked no older than Mandy herself. Mandy had seen family photos of this lady but wasn't even born when she'd died.

"Welcome to the fold, sweetheart", Claire said brightly.

#5f Her

Mandy's grandfather began to speak. "You asked if this was heaven but it isn't. We call it Eden. When a good person leaves their human life behind they come here first and stay until they've learned what we have to teach them. At that time they have many choices, all wonderful ones. As you know, I was a teacher on earth and that wasn't by accident. It was my calling and that is why I've chosen to remain here. Your Aunt Carrie stays for her own reasons which I'm sure she'll share with you".

Carrie, who had been sitting quietly smoothing the folds of her robe said, "I stay because I'm not ready to leave right now. I haven't found my calling yet". She shrugged as though there was no need to make an immediate decision.

Mandy, who had not been a church-goer on earth and considered herself an agnostic said, "The most important thing for me to know right now is if there is a God". Her piercing eyes looked first to her grandfather and then to her aunt. Their eyes twinkled and then they began to laugh.

"You are looking at him...or her", said Carrie between giggles. "We are God, all of us".

#5e Her

Mandy's grandfather continued to draw her to what now appeared to be a small town. She could see the town square surrounded by buildings with signs on the front declaring them "Clothing", "Grocery", "Hardware", and "House of Prayer", to name a few. The square they bordered was lush with flowers in beds and pots and even hanging from the large trees. The grass was greener and healthier than any she'd ever seen before. There were winding paths through the park lined with old fashioned looking benches, some occupied by white robed figures.

"You'll know some of the people here, Mandy", he said. "Remember Aunt Carrie who passed away when you were still in your teens? Well, she's one who decided to stay here just like me. She spends a lot of time cultivating the flowers you see in the park". He moved more quickly now, his long legs forcing Mandy to take a few running steps to keep up...just like when she was a child.

She glanced up at him again, noticing how his height and hooked nose was readily recognizable to her but he wore a different air than she was used to. Her grandfather had always been a man in a hurry, always working hard with little time to play so she'd spent a childhood grabbing little moments with him when he'd force himself to slow down and pay attention to her. Now his demeanor was one of contented anticipation as he led her to the first bench in the square where a lady sat in quiet solitude, face up to the sun and eyes closed.

"Carrie?", he said softly. "Mandy is here".

Her Aunt Carrie opened her eyes in sudden surprise, followed quickly by the lovely smile Mandy remembered from years past. "Mandy! I'm so glad you came to us. I wanted to be the one to greet you but it was only right for your grandfather to have the honor". She spoke this in rapid fire as she rushed to hug her niece and look her over carefully. Mandy was overcome with emotion to see her aunt again, maybe more so than seeing her grandfather. Carrie's passing had torn up her family terribly because she had been so young when she died, only twenty-six and younger than Mandy was now.

She'd lost her life in a car accident when Mandy was eighteen. It had been difficult to accept because Carrie was close enough in age that they were becoming good friends as well as being related. Because of her injuries the funeral casket had remained closed, leaving Mandy to wonder about the physical damage to her beloved aunt. Carrie with the bright red hair and ready smile...it wasn't fair.

The Carrie that held her hands and smiled into her face looked perfect. She wore her red hair longer than she had when she died and it was curly and fly-away like it always got when she let it grow, but that suited her. Mandy had so many questions but for now she just wanted to bask in Carrie's presence.

"John, why don't we sit for a while and explain a few things to this young lady? She looks thunderstruck and I'm sure she could use a few explanations about now".

Mandy's grandfather nodded in agreement and sat down on the bench. Carrie gently ushered Mandy over and sat her in between them.

#5d Her

Like her he was also dressed in a comfortable white robe and sandals and, as she gazed at his face in wonder, she saw that he looked much as he had before he'd died except younger and stronger.

He held his hand out to her to help her up and she again was struck with the wonder of the warmth and life in his hand.

"We knew you would be here soon so I was sent to greet you", he said with a smile. "There are others eagerly waiting to see you but I was the chosen one".

"Grampa?" was all Mandy could say as she stood up and brushed herself off.

"I know you haven't seen me in a while but it indeed is me. You and I were very close in life and now we can continue where we left off all those earth years ago. You'll find that time is irrelevant here and the pace of life is slow and peaceful but there is still much for you to learn". He spoke as though they'd just seen each other yesterday but it had been six long years since he'd passed away.

"Do you know how I died?" she asked.

"We know everything and so will you". He took her hand again and began to lead her toward the singing voices. "You'll be happy here".

Mandy had so many feelings rushing through her...happiness, contentment, eagerness to know what was to come. She held fast to her grandfather's hand as he led her along the road. There was a rightness about what was happening as though all was finally about to be made clear.

"Is this heaven?", she asked hopefully.

"There is no such place", he replied forcefully. "Nor is there a hell". "This is a stopping place for humans who learned the lessons they were sent to earth to learn. Here you'll make discoveries to aid you on your way to the next dimension but you might even decide to remain here as I have. Life here, and it most definitely is "life", is quite wonderful". He spoke the last words gently.

"Then I'll stay with you, Grampa", she said.

"You might change your mind when you know the options", he said with a grin. "This is the hereafter you heard about on earth but the choices and possibilities are endless. You will end up where you will be happiest". "You have arrived, sweetheart!".

#5c Her

The warm breeze ruffled her hair as she walked. For just a moment she wondered why she'd had to die so young and why so brutally but somehow realized that it had simply been her time. There is a logical explanation for everything that happens and she was now in a dimension where these things would be made clear.

Mandy had always been a "good" girl whose mistakes in life had mainly been made by trusting too much. She'd been hurt so many times in her thirty-eight years that she wondered if she'd done evil in another life and this was pay-back. She wasn't a deep down religious person but she did believe in God and the power he wielded.

As she strolled along the road time was meaningless. Sometimes, enthralled by the beauty of nature around her she would linger just to enjoy it for a moment longer. A phrase, "Stop and smell the roses", flittered through her mind and she smiled in agreement.

Off in the distance she could see a few small buildings and wondered if that was where she was headed. They appeared to be old wooden storage units, too small for barns and too shabby for homes. Homes. "Will there be a house for me to live in?", she wondered hopefully.

As Mandy neared the structures she noted that there were no doors and the buildings seemed to be stocked with cords of wood neatly stacked and leaving room only for someone to enter. "They must be used for heating or cooking", she surmised. "If this is heaven it isn't at all like I'd imagined".

Someone was singing. The sweet sound came from only a short distance away but still too far for her to see who it was. A woman's voice, and singing a song she'd never heard before. But it was pleasing to her ears.

Mandy suddenly felt an urgency to find other people and began to run toward the voice she heard. Suddenly she spotted figures a few hundred yards ahead who were moving about in what looked like a field of corn. She was so excited she stumbled over her own feet and fell to the ground.

"You've arrived".

She raised her head and looked straight into the gentle, loving eyes of her grandfather.

#5b Her

Mandy was aware of being catapulted through space. Strangely, there was no fear or apprehension, just a feeling of things being as they should be.

Time and travel stopped as she found herself standing on a dirt road. The day was sunny and warm with a soft breeze and she thought, "This must be heaven", as she began to walk. Mandy knew she had died but was continuing on a journey she knew without doubt would be a good one.

She looked about her as she walked down the road. It all appeared much the same as on earth, wildflowers blooming along the tree lined gravel, birds twittering in the distance. If she'd thought to investigate her own appearance she would have seen a pleasant looking young lady, dressed in a plain white cotton robe, and wearing Jesus sandals. All the beauty in her previously plain face had come to the surface, like goodness often does.

Mandy thought idly of her earthly life but the promise lying ahead of her captured her attention. She knew only that she must walk along this country road until she reached her destination, wherever and how far it was didn't matter.

There was a happiness surrounding her that was overwhelming in it's intensity. This was the dream, the goal, what she'd been born and died to attain. And soon she'd learn what it was all about.

#5a Her

She was happy. Along with the happiness was a sense of unreality as she continued to wonder how someone like her could have found someone like him.

Two bad marriages and a boring job had driven her to too many lonely nights playing on the computer. Chat rooms for singles were almost fun because she could pretend she was younger and prettier with a marvelously interesting life. Who would really know any different...but then people like she pretended to be didn't need to waste their time in internet chat rooms.

He'd been there a few times, responding politely to her at first and then gradually showing more interest. He convinced her to install a web cam so they could see each other and speak privately. It was so exciting but she feared he'd lose interest when he saw her. He didn't, though, and she allowed herself to hope.

It was hard to believe she'd only been communicating with him for a few weeks and now she'd be seeing him in person within the hour. Accepting the date for tomorrow had been difficult but when he'd asked to see her tonight after work she'd panicked. He seemed to be rushing her a bit and she wasn't sure whether to be afraid or flattered. He wanted to bring her a present for the date.

"Maybe it's a corsage", she thought. Something niggled at her reasoning but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Oh well, what's the difference if we get together tonight or tomorrow? Only some time together will decide if he wants to come back or not".

She had dressed in casual attire, white slacks and pink tee shirt, hoping the colors made her look less bony. She'd been fighting a so far losing battle with weight loss for a few years now...ever since the last divorce. Depression had taken away her zest for both life and food. She looked in the mirror one last time to check her hair and quickly slid her gaze over the plain face staring back at her. The hair was nice, though. Soft auburn waves framed her face and fell just to her shoulders. Maybe she looked better than she felt...maybe it would be okay.

Her heart lunged when she heard the knock on the door. He'd worked till 11 and made it here very quickly. "He must work close by", she thought. She smoothed the front of her clothing as she stepped to the door and opened it. Her eyes widened in gladness when she saw him...so handsome. His eyes, blue, crinkled as he smiled at her. His tall, well muscled body stood shyly still as he waited for her to invite him in.

She chattered on about the weather and who knows what else as she took his hand and pulled him inside. All her efforts to be calm and sophisticated were lost in the sea of fluster his presence had caused.

He appeared to be at ease in her company, content to be there, thank heavens. She offered him a drink, needing an excuse to escape to the kitchen and compose herself. He accepted a glass of water and she almost ran from the room.

Her hands shook badly as she tried to fill one of her newly purchased tulip glasses with ice. Suddenly she felt him move up behind her. Somewhat startled but more with pleasure than apprehension, she sat the glass on the counter and leaned back to make better contact.

When his hands rested on her shoulders and began to gently soothe the tension from them she was lost, her mind filled only with happiness and thankfulness for this moment. It had been so long since a man had shown her affection. He whispered promises in her ears...they'd build a life together and she wouldn't be alone anymore.

His hands moved slowly up to her neck and she thought he was about to turn her around to kiss her. It was so instantaneous that she had no time to react...everything went black.

Unbearable pain and unable to breathe, she roused momentarily and realized he was choking her. "I'm dying!", was her last thought as her life on earth ended.

She watched him strangling her body. She was above the tragic scene and looking down, unable to look away. She no longer felt any pain but only sadness for what was happening to the body she'd once inhabited. Her soul slowly drifted away, leaving earthly laws to take care of earthly troubles.

#4 Him

He smiled as he drove from his home to hers. He was still in that calm state of satisfaction he always had just before arriving at a woman's house. The excitement would start to build once he was there.

He was a good driver, more out of necessity than personal conviction because it would ruin the mood if he was stopped by a cop for speeding. Once on a mission, he hated to be deterred by anything.

Her house wasn't far from his, only a few minute's drive. Along Mulberry Drive to Miller Circle and turn left...a half block to Lilac Court townhouses and hers was number 15. He pulled carefully into the complex parking lot and parked obediently in a visitor's space.

The parking lot was well lit and that concerned him mildly but it was very late, after 11 P.M. so no-one was around. He'd told her he had to work till 11 but was anxious to see her.

They'd spent just a couple of weeks conversing on the internet and only seen each other via web cam but he had a pretty good idea what to expect. She was pathetic. Too thin, too old, and desperate for a man. It had been easy to convince her that a handsome man like himself was able to look beyond the physical and had come to care deeply for the person. Sometimes it was so easy it took all the fun out of it for him.

They'd scheduled a date for dinner the next day but he'd gotten cold feet about showing up at her house during daylight. He e-mailed her and said he had a present for her to wear on the date so could he come over after work for a few minutes. She was reluctant but he was persuasive.

The excitement had begun to build as he drove into the complex. It had been almost three months since he'd felt like this and the urge was very strong. Too strong to even try to resist. He stepped out of the car and walked quickly up to her townhouse and knocked on the door.

She opened the door almost immediately. She was thinner than she'd appeared on the web cam, he thought, and older than she'd admitted to. He smiled warmly at her and stepped inside.

She welcomed him to her home, said how happy she was to finally meet him. She rambled from nervousness and this suited him fine. He hated making small talk.

She led him to the sofa and asked if he'd like a cold drink..."pop? beer? water? The night is so warm, they need rain, weren't the mosquitoes terrible?", she said. He smiled politely and agreed a glass of cold water would hit the spot on such a warm night.

In the kitchen she was so nervous she dropped the whole tray of ice cubes into the sink trying to remove a couple for his glass of water. As she struggled to retrieve some for the glass he walked up behind her.

He moved slowly until the front of his body pressed gently against her back. He kissed her neck and said how long he'd waited for this moment and she collapsed slightly back against him. She'd dreamed of this and now it was happening.

He kneaded her shoulders and spoke softly of their future together. They'd take trips, long walks by the ocean, he'd been so lonely until he found her. His words were like balm to her soul.

His hands slid up to her neck and he skilfully pressed on her aorta until she passed out and slid down to the floor. Now his excitement was in full flower and he grasped her neck and squeezed with all of his strength. She came to slightly and feebly tried to pull his hands away.

"I'm dying", she thought, almost with amazement. The thought swept away as swiftly as sweet life and she lay still.

He continued to squeeze until the final spasms of his own excitement died away...and, fulfilled, he stepped away from her corpse.

He looked down at her and felt no empathy, no guilt. She'd served her purpose and had been the cause of her own death. How stupid of her to take him in, believe in him. She'd deserved what she got.

As he walked to his car he enjoyed the late night summer breeze in his face. He was smiling and singing along to the radio as he drove away.

What he didn't know was that the parking lot was equipped with security cameras and his handsome face and licence plate had photographed clearly on that night. Early next morning he answered his doorbell, first to face the police officers and soon to face the consequences of his brutal crime.

#3 Sam the Man

This is a true story...well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. You can be the judge.

Sam was a player...always had been and always would be. At age 68, he was slim and trim, had startlingly white dental caps, and a comb-over he kept carefully and firmly sprayed to the top of his head. The bane of his existence was his height which only reached 5'5" when he stood very straight. But he was a ladies man...even if it was mainly in his own mind.

A deep intolerance of the cold had spurred him to relocate to sunny Florida when he retired. By luck and chance he'd found "Sand Crane Haven", a senior retirement park where he paid out cash money for a modest 30' trailer that became his new home.

Sand Crane Haven was a rather large trailer park with about 300 spick and span trailers spread over 100 acres of winding roads and sheltering trees. The current manager was a no nonsense man who tolerated no mess, no noise, and no kids to sully his beautiful park. His residents idolized him because they'd suffered through too many years of incompetent managers who had come before him.

Sam noticed that many of his neighbors travelled around the park in golf carts so he quickly purchased one of his own. Being Sam, his golf cart had to reflect his personality so he bought a shiny new black 4 seater with silver covers. His licence plate read "SAM THE MAN". Sam was a happy man.

Go to any senior park in Florida and you'll easily find it's heart. It's at the pool. From before noon till happy hour at 4 P.M. the pool is a hub of activity. Every table and chair is occupied by people or towels. The smell of suntan lotion overlays the odor of cigarette smoke...the smokers seem to congregate in one corner valiantly declaring their inalienable right to foul the air everyone else is breathing. Water bottles and carafes of undisclosed liquid sit sheltered under colorful umbrellas but no food is allowed...manager's orders.

Sam loved going to the pool. He was one of the few men with a flat tummy and the only man with the flair (or nerve) to wear a Speedo. Every morning at 11 A.M. he'd roar down to the pool in his cart. Fluffy blue towel draped nonchalantly over his bony shoulders and wearing one of his favorite Speedos, Sam would make what he considered his grand entrance into pool society. To be honest, he was always noticed but not for the reasons he thought.

Another quaint sight in senior pools is how they fill up with many separate conversation groups, the conversationalists strung in or on colorful floaties. Seniors rarely swim but use their pool as a hot tub to float around in and talk. Heaven help the park manager who fails to keep the water temperature warm enough to suit the soakers.

Sam had been a Sand Crane resident for more than a week so he'd had ample time to scope out the available females. The one who stirred the contents of his Speedo the most was Dorie. Dorie was tiny...Sam preferred his women to be smaller than he was...but she had a large bosom which appeared quite buoyant in the pool. She had dyed her hair a becoming shade of ash blonde which she believed took years off her age (72, but she told everyone she was 62). Sam was smitten.

One hot and sunny day, Sam made his pilgrimage to the pool intent on getting to know Dorie better. Upon entering the water he manoevered his floatie over to her group and deftly inserted himself next to her. The topic that day was how lucky the park was to have found their present manager

"Remember when Thompson was the manager?", said Mabel with a slight sneer to her mouth and a lift to her eye.

"We couldn't get him to do anything around here", Dorie responded. Everyone then began talking all at once denouncing the old manager and praising the new one. Sam, not caring one way or the other, just nodded his head in agreement and moved in as close to Dorie as possible.

Dorie was very aware of Sam's interest and, having been around the block a few times and experiencing a few suitors who actually made Sam look good, smiled encouragingly at him.

Nothing goes unnoticed at a senior park and Sam's tentative advances on Dorie was no exception. Knowing, elderly eyes followed their every move.

Mabel lived next door to Dorie and she was the first to spread the news about Sam's late night visits. Mabel claimed she was a night owl and that's how she'd spotted Sam's cart tucked under Dorie's carport. The truth was that she'd suffered some terrific leg cramps by crouching inside her bathtub so she could spy out the only window facing Dorie's trailer.

The two lovebirds were oblivious to the rampant gossip racing around the park about their personal love lifes. Neither noticed the eyes that followed them everywhere nor heard the catty whispers spoken behind strategically placed hands.

"They were at it again last night", said Mabel snidely. "He was at her place till after midnight, for heaven's sake!". Mabel was a little cranky because the cramps in her legs hadn't eased up much.

Her audience of coffee buddies shook their heads and muttered "Tsk, Tsk", as though sex among the elderly was just too lurid to imagine.

It was at the pool on day that Sam made a spectacle of himself...worse than at any other time. He drove up to the pool as usual but he had a little surprise for Dorie inside his Speedo. Just under the waistband was a tiny pocket that contained an engagement ring.

Making sure that there were plenty of people to witness the drama, he walked proudly up to Dorie who was sitting talking to friends and he dropped down on one knee in front of her.

Thinking he'd lost his balanceDorie jumped out of her chair to help him up. Sam looked up, startled, just in time to take her knee in his chin which knocked him flat on his back.

"Oh, my god, are you all right?", she yelped.

The blow had not only flattened Sam but had effectively loosened his dental caps and they slipped out into his hand.

Dorie stood before her boyfriend and began to see him in a different light. He looked awfully scrawny sprawled out on the deck, bony legs askew, comb-over hanging on the wrong side, and only little stubs for teeth.

Her concern turned gradually to dismay and then to embarrassment for this silly old man laying in front of her. She apologized repeatedly as she helped him to his feet and then distanced herself by going back and sitting on the far side of her friends.

Sam left the pool with a brave show of dignity and went home where he first phoned a dentist for an appointment and then drowned his sorrow in a large glass of whiskey...straight.

Within a few days the gossips had fresh news to spread. Sam had put a "For Sale" sign in front of his trailer and one on his golf cart. Sam had also stopped going to the pool.

A nice old couple from Michigan bought Sam's trailer, moved in before the month was up, and Sam left the park without saying goodbye to anyone.

Life goes on much the same these days at Sand Crane Haven. The social center is still at the pool but Dorie avoids any mention of Sam.

Sam has moved 150 miles further south to "Sunshine Estates" where he drives up to the pool every morning at 11 A.M. in his new bright red golf cart, wearing his trusty Speedo, and scopes out the available females.

Sam the man is a happy man once again.

#2 The Intruder

Logan Avenue is known as the "average" street in our city. Some enterprising young reporter bestowed that title on us one day when news was slow and he decided to sit down and pinpoint the street which was most middle class. Personally, I think he elevated our status a bit.

True, we all live in similar box-like houses with postage stamp lawns. On average, every house is occupied by two adults and 1 1/2 children but there is a stigma attached to being dubbed "average". It brings to mind the term "boring".

You might think average people live quite similar lives...the men drink beer and watch sports when they're not mowing the lawn and the women cook, clean, and do yoga. On Logan Avenue we do all of those things but there is more to us than that.

Sue Graham is a widow who lives a half block down the street and she advertises on a regular basis with the local newspaper in their "Companions Wanted" section. I know this because one of my friends works at the newspaper. She has an active social life and seems to have many visitors.

Sue also is very active in the Blood of the Lamb Catholic church. The priest has been known to make the sign of the cross three times before entering the confessional to hear her confess her sins.

Some of our beer drinking, sports watching men are an interesting lot. Joe Rizzo is a construction worker by trade and an artist by nature. When one approaches his "average" house they are first entranced by the brick and wrought iron wall that surrounds the front yard. The inevitable arches frame his front porch, each arch showcasing luscious hanging plants of red, fuschia, gold, and blue flowing flowers. Joe created all of this.

He can be seen most evenings after dinner pruning the bountiful grape vines which line the walkway to his back yard. His wife can be seen also...and heard ranting at him in Italian as he mutely goes about his business.

Joe finishes his chores and quietly settles onto the lawn chair on the front porch, Molson in hand, apparently unperturbed by the slamming door as his angry wife disappears from sight.

Two doors to the left of Joe lives an elderly couple, Ruth and Mitch. They've lived on the street longer than any of us but we don't see much of them. They like to spend most of their time indoors. We sometimes hear music coming from their house on summer evenings when the windows are open and once I saw them dance by the window, smooth and graceful in their step.

Maybe you're wondering about me...or maybe not. I plan to tell you anyway.

I'm your average dowdy housewife, mid forties, a fair bit on the chubby side, short blonde hair (chemically enhanced), don't drink or smoke, and can barely tolerate the husband I chose above all others when I was too young to know better.

We have no children, thank god, or they might have turned out like him...vapid smile, manicured nails, and full of love only for his dog. Lord, does he love that dog! Pierre is a large, well-groomed, psychotic poodle who entertains the neighbors way too often by publicly humping anyone who is foolish enough to try to pat him. George, my husband, always drags the dog away but I've seen him smiling as he does. I think he gets a kick out of the dog's behaviour.

I used to be jealous watching him groom the mutt all the while murmuring sweet nothings in it's ear. They made such a loving couple that I felt left out. Lately I've considered poisoning my rival but then I thought, "what if the old boy turns his affections on me?" and realized things were best left as they were.

One bright summer day I was sitting in my back yard watching the grass grow and a man entered through the open gate. My first thoughts were that he appeared to be unsure he was in the right place so I asked if I could help him.

He was tall and muscular, and handsome if you like dark, swarthy men. I did. I spent so much time appraising and appreciating him that I didn't notice he didn't answer but was slowly approaching me with a sexy, awaredness about him.

About this time it dawned on me that I really should be frightened but I just couldn't muster the appropriate emotion. My lack of distress had a remarkable effect on the intruder. He stopped suddenly and glanced quickly around as though expecting to find someone or something protecting me.

"Are you alone here?", he asked almost nervously.

The more I looked at him the more I liked what I saw but I wasn't about to allow myself to be beaten or raped by anyone, not even this sweety.

"My guard dog is around somewhere but he won't bother anyone who doesn't threaten me. Why don't you join me for a drink...that is, if you're in no hurry to leave?".

Being sized up by those dangerous black eyes was an experience in itself. Unconsciously I tucked in my tummy, lifted up my chest, and turned slightly to my good side...the right. A slow smile tickled the corners of his lovely full lips and he visibly relaxed.

He walked cockily over to the chair beside me and sprawled himself upon it. "A cold beer would be just fine, lady", he answered softly.

My young Adonis never told me his name and I never gave him mine. He simply joined in the spirit of the game. We sat for an hour or so, him sipping his beer and me sipping a Coke. We talked about politics, movies, books, morals, and vegetarian diets. All the time he talked I savored his beauty. To be honest, I don't know why he so obviously enjoyed my company unless it was a vanity trip for him. Here he was, at least twenty years my junior, but speaking to me as an equal and showering me with the most flattering looks.

At no time did we refer to his original reason for showing up. I could not have cared less at this point and I like to think he'd forgotten.

In time, my Adonis set down his empty beer can, stretched luxuriously, then leaned forward and stared at me intently.

"We're friends now, you know that?, he asked quizzically. "You know I never meant to harm you but I've changed my mind about what I came here for. Will you let me come back again?".

I considered the alternative...nothing but gray nights with the old boy and his furry friend, T.V., soaps, Coke and donuts. What the hell!

"Sure".

We carried on this innocent relationship for over four years. It was a platonic relationship in every sense of the word though I often wished it would progress to something more. But the game had to be played by the rules and our unspoken rules from the start were for conversation laced with sparce undertones of hidden desire. And it worked as we spent a few afternoons each week discussing topics that made us feel human and listened to each other with unquestionable respect. Of course, the rules allowing our eyes to convey passion held in restraint made it more interesting.

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end and our end came when my Adonis confided to me one afternoon that he was going to be married.

Jealousy overwhelmed me but I valiantly kept my self control long enough to ask, "And who is the lucky woman?".

"You just might know her. She's a neighbor of yours that I've been seeing lately. I met her through one of those "Companions Wanted" ads in the newspaper. We hit it off right away...maybe because she's a lot like you. It's too bad you and I couldn't have been more to each other but she wants more from me than just conversation". He shook his head with regret for what might have been. At least that was what I was telling myself.

We said our goodbyes. They were final ones because his new wife would provide him with all the conversation he was going to need.

Now I sit in my average house, on an average street, and wait for my next unexpected intruder. In the meantime I will make quite specific plans on how to change the rules.

#1c End of Story

He phoned that night, apologetic, saying I'd imagined it all. Saying he'd had a rough day and then, hoping to have a fun evening, I'd ruined it for him. That's why he left the way he did. That's why he said cruel words he hadn't meant.

I said little, letting him attempt to crawl out of the hole we both knew in our hearts he'd dug for himself. He repeated phrases he'd used to placate me in arguments past. "No-one else would put up with the crap I do", he said. "No-one else could love you as much as I do". No-one else...no-one else.

"Why don't I come home and we can have a few drinks and I'll make things up to you the right way?", he said softly, passionately.

Against my will, the anger and hurt was slipping away. My skin ached for him and my heart was melting one more time. But before I could speak I heard a woman's voice come faintly over the phone.

"Are you coming back, sweetheart? They're playing our song".

Then muffled sounds as though a hand had covered the receiver.

I hung up the phone and walked away for good.

#1b The Morning After

Morninglight crept softly into the room, gradually becoming bright enough to peek beneath my eyelids. I lay there in that half sleep for a moment, knowing that any movement would immediately awaken Max who still slept soundly on the floor beside my bed.

He hadn't returned.

My mind began to sort through how I would go on living without him. At one time I'd thought that was impossible but the truth was that it was entirely possible. And most likely probable.

Max was having one of his "woofy" dreams. He laid there with legs slightly moving as though he was running after a squirrel or a ball, letting out muffled barks. I was thankful for his presence, especially now.

As I pushed the blankets back, Max jumped to attention and came to me. "Good morning, sweetheart", I whispered as I patted his gleaming black coat. They say dogs can't smile but I swear he does. His tail wagged happily as he followed me into the kitchen where I made my first coffee of the day. He stayed very close, sensing I wasn't strong yet.

I'd slept late, worry and misery taking it's toll on my physical strength as well as the mental. "9:15!". Thank heavens it was Sunday and not a work day. I made my coffee and bundled up on the sofa, Max's head on my lap. It amazed me how this animal was so tuned into my despair and intent on doing what he could to comfort me.

He hadn't come back. So now what do I do? There'd been no happiness between us for weeks, months maybe, and he'd become more verbally abusive. Last night was a good example of how bad it had gotten between us. He'd flirted openly with the woman at the next table, talking with her and ignoring me to the point of embarrassment. I'd told him to take me home and, stone faced, he walked ahead of me to the car.

"Why do you treat me this way?" I'd screamed at him as we drove. He'd looked directly at me and replied, "If you don't like it then bugger off"...this said in a soft, icy voice. "Maybe I should" I said. "Maybe I will"...this said in a soft, sad voice.

When we reached the house he'd stormed up to the bedroom and hurriedly packed a few clothes. I stood silently by and watched, heartbroken but feeling something else, too...finality. This time I wouldn't beg him to stay. He brushed rudely by me as he left. "See how well you can get along without me, you stupid cow!"

I watched as he walked out the door and stood listening as his car screeched out of the driveway and away.

Now it was the morning after and I was still in pain but at least able to look at the situation more clearly. Ann Landers used to say "Are you better off with him or without him?". I'd come to believe that I might possibly be better off without him. And today was the first day of the rest of my life.

#1 The Dead of Night

In the dead of night all sounds are magnified. A creaky settling of the house becomes the stealthy footsteps of an intruder. The tap of a branch against a window is elevated to the status of break-in.

It was one such night when I lay alone in my bed feeling uneasy and restless, unable to sleep. The small clock on the dresser clicked off each digital minute, the click breaking the silence like a jet breaking the sound barrier.

So tired, maybe too tired, and needing sleep desperately after a day of hell, I wrapped the pillow around my head and buried my face almost beneath the blanket. "This is too much", I moaned. "How can I get through this without rest?".

My mind spun wildly from one scenario to the next, remembering his insults, remembering his back as he walked out the door. Heart and mind still aching from the knowledge that no-one could treat someone they loved so cruelly.

"Will he come back tonight?", I wondered. "Should I let him stay if he does or is it best to let go now before things get worse?". The mind can't quickly supply answers to questions we never wanted to ask.

A loud click! "Was that the front door closing?". A shiver of trepidation slithered over my skin. "Was it him?".

Muscles taut with expectation, worry that he'd come back...to stay or to pack his things and go for good. Developing fear that it wasn't him but someone else...who?

Suddenly a series of faint creaks on the stairs. "Oh, my god!" I was frozen, fear making me immobile.

The bedroom door slowly opened wider as though brushed by a wisp of breeze, a shadowy face appeared...close to the floor. It was the dog.

My loving companion walked uncertainly across the room towards the bed. Every brain cell directed towards me, checking to see that I was all right, making sure I was safe.

He settled down on the floor next to me and curled himself into a cozy ball, snuffled and closed his eyes. Feeling loved and protected, the night held no more terrors and I fell into a dreamless sleep.