Saturday, September 28, 2019

MRS. CONROY IS GONE FOR GOOD

Note:  I was doing some cleaning out today and came across this short story I wrote a long time ago...before blogging.  I have no ego about my writing, usually thinking it's not much good but, as I read this story, I felt the pain again and cried.  It's not autobiographical but we all know someone who has gone through what "Mrs. Conroy" has done.

Janet Conroy is a nondescript woman of middle age.  The years haven't been particularly kind to her and it shows in her dumpy little frame and the lines deeply etched into her unmade up face.  She'd say, "Why bother?".

She's packed and ready to leave for good but first she has to take one last look at what she's leaving behind.  She always loved that green floral sofa, sort of lumpy and frayed now, because she'd saved money to buy it from selling her preserves at the local flea market...how many ears ago now?  Maybe twenty years of heavy butts had pressed into those sofa springs.  The small knicknacks scattered here and there were gifts she'd received over the years.  Nice, but best left here.

Janet wanders through the house, taking a few moments at each item she has a fondness for, feather touching the ones she'll miss.  She wears her usual blue print housedress and Birkenstock sandals, greying hair neatly brushed back from her face and pinned into a bun at the back of her neck.  There are no tears but there are no smiles, either.  There is only a resoluteness in her bearing that says more than words.

She's written a note and left it on the kitchen table for him to find.  It says, "I won't be back".  He'll know she means it because she's always before taken his abuse without a word of complaint.  Thirty years of abuse and no complaints.  It was their way and their forefather's way and it had become their's on their wedding day.  He'd never understand why she hadn't stayed.

She stands silently in front of their wedding photo hung above her grandparents' writing desk.  She sees a lovely young girl nestled under the protective arm of a homely young man.  This makes her wince slightly, remembering how he'd transformed so quickly from a tender lover to an angry and demanding tyrant.  She could almost remember the moment...just as the priest pronounced them man and wife, could it be?

He'd felt he owned her life once they were married and she'd allowed it because she was a meek young girl.  After all, her father ruled her mother so maybe this was the way it was supposed to be.  She wasn't happy.

Where had the determination come from to make her leave today?  Was it the final slap, the final insult flayed into her last night?  Was it an accumulation of slaps and insults carried in her subconscious for thirty years?

No, it was a chance meeting in the park with a young couple and their tiny daughter.  Janet saw them from a distance as she took her daily walk and found she couldn't take her eyes off them.  The man was pushing the stroller carrying his little daughter but stopped occasionally to talk to his wife and point out flower gardens that caught his eye.  He'd place his arm gently around her waist and point to colors or varieties that he wanted her to share in his enjoyment.  Nothing special, but...

Janet smiles at them as she passes and they smile in return.  She finishes her route and is deep in thought all the way home.  As she turns her key in the lock she's made up her mind.  They had only one old suitcase, a hand me down from a relative.  She packs it carefully, more underwear than housedresses, a sweater she's knit herself, and a spare pair of lace up shoes.

She takes the suitcase down the stairs to the front door and then sits at the kitchen table wondering what to write on the note she knew she had to leave.  He wouldn't be home for hours so she had time to say what mattered most.  "I won't be back".  No more needed to be said.

It takes her only minutes to browse the home that has been her life for so many years and, when she is finished, she walks to the front door and picks up her suitcase.  She places her door key on the side table and walks out the door.

Mrs. Conroy is gone for good.


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

#5J Her

Claire led Mandy up the curved stairway to the upper floor of the house. Mandy noticed that every detail in the construction of this house seemed to have been tended to by master craftsmen. Mentioning this, Claire replied, "These worlds are filled with artists and craftsmen of all sorts and those who wish carry on these talents in the afterlife. They finally have all the time necessary to create perfection", she added with a smile.

She led Mandy along a spacious hallway from which opened many doors. As Mandy peeked inside, Claire chattered away about their purpose.

"Most are rooms for contemplation because they're designed to be used by one person at a time. Some, like this one, are for people to socialize away from the crowd". She gestured toward a room so pretty it begged you to come inside...and Mandy did.

The walls were a soft, baby blue which served as background to what looked like a large, featherbed draped in a white cottony throw. Along one wall was beautiful cabinetry housing what appeared to be a stereo system. The wide planked wooden floor gleamed where the sunlight hit it. Mandy sounded a little taken aback as she queried, "Stereo system?".

Claire leaned on the doorway watching Mandy's inspection and replied playfully, "Music is food for the gods, don't you know?".

"Is that a bed?", Mandy asked curiously.

"I'm sure you're wondering if we continue to have sex after we pass over", giggled Claire. "Well, you need to know that in the afterlife we do what makes us happy and music and sex are all part of what pleases us".

Mandy thought this over carefully and then asked, "What about people whose idea of happiness is to hurt and demean?".

Claire took Mandy's hand in hers and said softly, "Those people will never come here. They will be reborn on earth over and over until they learn why they're there...it's a lesson that takes many rebirths for some".

"Are there people who never make it here at all?, Mandy asked worriedly.

Claire squeezed her hand and smiled, "No, Mandy. There are many circumstances that cause humans to go bad but, given enough chances, they always find their way home in time. Remember, we're gods".

Sunday, February 3, 2008

#5I Her

Mandy and Claire talked for hours, mainly about family members who had passed away. Mandy was very curious about where they were and hoped some of them were still in Eden so she could meet them again.

Claire explained that all of their relatives, except the three who had approached Mandy, had all gone on to other dimensions. It had been their choice to "travel". There were myriad other worlds to explore with the understanding that anyone could decide at any time to move from one to another, even return to Eden if they wanted.

"How do we know if the next place will be better or just as nice as this", Mandy asked.

"If you want to try something different you need only to ask your advisor, John, and he will show you the way. We all have advisors, mentors, in every dimension to guide us".

Claire went on, "First you need to learn about life, death, and the hereafter and this is where that happens. You have all the time in the world to make up your mind to stay or go".

Mandy had become curious about the inside of the house and asked for a tour. She wanted to see if it was the same as on earth. Bedrooms were unnecessary but would it have a kitchen? She considered whether or not she was hungry...would she still consume food and drink? Her mind was reeling as she considered all the possibilities.

Claire walked to the beautifully carved wooden door and pushed it open, welcoming Mandy inside with an open hand. As Mandy stepped through the portal she gasped in amazement. It looked like any elegant home she'd ever seen in her life.

The tile floor in the entry shone with soft colors and intricate design. To the right of the entry was a doorway leading to a comfortable livingroom with cushy sofas and chairs in a pastel rose. Again she was amazed at how like earthly homes this was.

"Is there a kitchen and do we consume food here?", she asked.

Claire laughed gently, "Yes, we enjoy all the pleasures of life without needing to waste time sleeping. We are immortal but immortality would be boring without things to enjoy".

They meandered through the livingroom and into another large room which Mandy assumed was the diningroom. There was a difference here. A massive table commanded the center of the room while many, many chairs surrounded it...possibly 20 or 30. There was no other furniture in the room, nor a window.

"Is this the diningroom", asked Mandy nervously.

Claire nodded, "Yes, this is the place where friends meet for meals and for socializing. You've probably noticed that there are no windows or embellishments in the room and that's because we concentrate on the gift of food and the gift of friendly conversation. Mealtimes are serious rituals here...a time to connect with others".

Mandy had already made her way into the kitchen which lay just beyond the diningroom. The cupboards were knotty pine and the gleaming counters some sort of arborite, a cheery shade of soft pink. Even the recognizable appliances, stove, fridge, coffee maker...all different shades of pink.

"Is this the decorator color for Eden?, Mandy giggled.

Claire laughed, too. "I like pink so that's what I have. None of us are too concerned with colors or styles so we simply choose what we're comfortable with".

Mandy wanted to open the fridge to see what sort of food was eaten in Eden but thought that might be rude so she asked instead.

"Do you eat meat and veggies?"

Claire turned to Mandy and said in a stern tone, "We hurt no living creature here so you will never eat meat again". She added in a softer tone, "But we do make scrumptious pastas and veggie dishes that are to die for...no pun intended".

Both women burst into laughter.

Mandy was still giggling as she looked around for another room to explore. "Are there other rooms", she asked.

"There are game rooms and reading rooms throughout the house. We have a few of each in this house and also contemplating rooms. These are used by one person at a time because it's only when we're completely alone that we can truly expand our mental capacities".

"I just might have to live in that room", joked Mandy.

Friday, February 1, 2008

#5H Her

Seeing her great, great grandmother before her looking so alive and well started Mandy's mind racing. Where were her grandmothers, both passed away within a few years of each other? Where was Grampa Joe, her paternal grandfather, also passed away? There were so many questions that needed answering.

Claire guided Mandy to one of the rockers on the porch and sat herself in the one beside it.

"I know it's pretty overwhelming right now but as you learn the ropes around here and see how everything fits you'll feel better".

Mandy held tightly to Claire's hands and stared deeply into her eyes, seeing only kindness looking back at her.

"Why did you choose to stay here rather than go on to the other places I've heard about?, asked Mandy intently.

"Think of this phase of your "life" as eternal. There's no need to rush into anything and you can take all the time you want doing whatever you want", said Claire. "I like it here because I get to see the new arrivals and often, as in this case, get to introduce them to eternity".

"Eternity!", gasped Mandy. "It's almost frightening to consider but I know I'm in good hands here".

John had stood by quietly as Claire and Mandy talked but now he reached forward and hugged each lady in turn. "I have other work to do so I'll leave you ladies to carry on". He trotted down the stairs and Mandy watched as his long, lean figure disappeared down the street.

Mandy turned to Claire and said respectfully, "I don't remember exactly how you died. Can you tell me a little bit about it and how you managed when you came here?.

"I had that dreaded cancer and suffered badly for about 6 months until my earthly body just gave up. I don't remember too much about the actual passing but it seemed the moment my body died I was soaring through the most beautiful colors toward the proverbial light. It wasn't long before I found myself walking along a country road wondering where the heck I was", she laughed.

"In the same fashion that you were met by John I was welcomed by my friend, Erna". Claire's eyes softened as she remembered how happy she'd been to see her old friend again for the first time in many years. "Erna looked so beautiful and healthy that it made me cry to see her. And, yes, we can still cry, although they're always happy tears", she said with a grin.

"How long have you been here?", asked Mandy.

Claire paused for just a moment and then answered, "It's been twenty-five years now but seems only like months. I guess I'll move on when the time starts to drag", she joked.

Mandy leaned back and looked around her...at the lush and colorful garden...at the beautiful homes nearby. She listened to the sounds of twittering birds and laughter in the distance and thought, "This is a fine place to bide my time for a while, or maybe even forever".

Sunday, August 19, 2007

#5g Her

"You are God?", Mandy gasped.

"We are God", he answered. "We are all parts of the whole and that's all we've ever been. We are a project in the making and that's why we have so many levels of learning. Each level has a purpose and here you will learn why you had your earthly life, how you came to be here, and you will be given choices for the next level".

It was difficult for Mandy to take all of this in, especially because she had so many questions, but gradually she relaxed and realized she had an eternity to have her questions answered.

"Where do we start first, Grampa?", she asked.

"Please feel free to call me by my given name, Mandy. It's perfectly respectful and you'll be meeting many of your relatives so using proper names will make it easier for you. I'd first like to take you to your lodgings and introduce you to your housemates. You'll find them all friendly and helpful, much like yourself", John said with a grin.

"I was so hoping there'd be a home to live in but by the looks of the perfect weather and surroundings I could even have been happy living in the outdoors", she replied. "Do we sleep?", she asked suddenly.

"No, that's an earthly necessity and doesn't apply here. We don't have night because our planet revolves conveniently between two suns which also keeps our climate temperate. When we wish, it does rain occasionally to keep our ponds full".

"It's quite heavenly", he added with a grin.

As they spoke they walked along streets looking very similar to the neighborhoods Mandy was used to on earth. She saw people sitting on their porches or in their gardens talking, laughing, puttering. All wore the same white robes she was wearing. They were loose and comfortable, billowing in the gentle breeze. Everyone waved as she passed.

Nothing seemed out of place. The streets and houses were clean and the plants were healthy. The people all seemed happy.

John stopped and led her up a flower bed lined sidewalk to a lovely Victorian house, it's large wrap-around porch homey with rocking chairs. On one of the chairs sat a slightly familiar woman who smiled invitingly at them.

"Claire, I've brought Mandy to stay with you for a while", he said.

"Mandy, you might not remember anything about Claire but she was your great-great grandmother. Claire, too, has chosen to stay here because it suits her", he said.

Mandy's great-great grandmother, Claire, rose gracefully from her chair and greeted them with warm hugs. She smelled of sunshine and looked no older than Mandy herself. Mandy had seen family photos of this lady but wasn't even born when she'd died.

"Welcome to the fold, sweetheart", Claire said brightly.






Monday, July 30, 2007

#5f Her

Mandy's grandfather began to speak. "You asked if this was heaven but it isn't. We call it Eden. When a good person leaves their human life behind they come here first and stay until they've learned what we have to teach them. At that time they have many choices, all wonderful ones. As you know, I was a teacher on earth and that wasn't by accident. It was my calling and that is why I've chosen to remain here. Your Aunt Carrie stays for her own reasons which I'm sure she'll share with you".

Carrie, who had been sitting quietly smoothing the folds of her robe said, "I stay because I'm not ready to leave right now. I haven't found my calling yet". She shrugged as though there was no need to make an immediate decision.

Mandy, who had not been a church-goer on earth and considered herself an agnostic said, "The most important thing for me to know right now is if there is a God". Her piercing eyes looked first to her grandfather and then to her aunt. Their eyes twinkled and then they began to laugh.

"You are looking at him...or her", said Carrie between giggles. "We are God, all of us".

#5e Her

Mandy's grandfather continued to draw her to what now appeared to be a small town. She could see the town square surrounded by buildings with signs on the front declaring them "Clothing", "Grocery", "Hardware", and "House of Prayer", to name a few. The square they bordered was lush with flowers in beds and pots and even hanging from the large trees. The grass was greener and healthier than any she'd ever seen before. There were winding paths through the park lined with old fashioned looking benches, some occupied by white robed figures.

"You'll know some of the people here, Mandy", he said. "Remember Aunt Carrie who passed away when you were still in your teens? Well, she's one who decided to stay here just like me. She spends a lot of time cultivating the flowers you see in the park". He moved more quickly now, his long legs forcing Mandy to take a few running steps to keep up...just like when she was a child.

She glanced up at him again, noticing how his height and hooked nose was readily recognizable to her but he wore a different air than she was used to. Her grandfather had always been a man in a hurry, always working hard with little time to play so she'd spent a childhood grabbing little moments with him when he'd force himself to slow down and pay attention to her. Now his demeanor was one of contented anticipation as he led her to the first bench in the square where a lady sat in quiet solitude, face up to the sun and eyes closed.

"Carrie?", he said softly. "Mandy is here".

Her Aunt Carrie opened her eyes in sudden surprise, followed quickly by the lovely smile Mandy remembered from years past. "Mandy! I'm so glad you came to us. I wanted to be the one to greet you but it was only right for your grandfather to have the honor". She spoke this in rapid fire as she rushed to hug her niece and look her over carefully. Mandy was overcome with emotion to see her aunt again, maybe more so than seeing her grandfather. Carrie's passing had torn up her family terribly because she had been so young when she died, only twenty-six and younger than Mandy was now.

She'd lost her life in a car accident when Mandy was eighteen. It had been difficult to accept because Carrie was close enough in age that they were becoming good friends as well as being related. Because of her injuries the funeral casket had remained closed, leaving Mandy to wonder about the physical damage to her beloved aunt. Carrie with the bright red hair and ready smile...it wasn't fair.

The Carrie that held her hands and smiled into her face looked perfect. She wore her red hair longer than she had when she died and it was curly and fly-away like it always got when she let it grow, but that suited her. Mandy had so many questions but for now she just wanted to bask in Carrie's presence.

"John, why don't we sit for a while and explain a few things to this young lady? She looks thunderstruck and I'm sure she could use a few explanations about now".

Mandy's grandfather nodded in agreement and sat down on the bench. Carrie gently ushered Mandy over and sat her in between them.